Jakov Balint-Feudvarski

"Luka, I cannot hold you in my lap forever!", says Jakov and puts the screaming Luka on the floor. Aaaah... Life in our family is as hectic as ever:). No matter where you 'slice' us, you will find chatter and physical movement, laughter and wild gestures. Even Miro and I aren't immune to that. Actually, I think we belong to a group of parents who goof around a LOT... But also demand total discipine. Now, does that make us the worst or the best parents in the world?!? Probably neither. Mostly average. But, I will tell you there is one area where God has a lot to teach me, and I'm guessing that because the circumstances of my life DEMAND it of me, and that area is PATIENCE.

Longsuffering might be another term, since it sure feels like suffering :).

As you know, Jakov started school this academic year. Even before it started, I knew he was going to surprise me, since I had no idea what to expect. He has always been a wonder to me. Even when he was a little boy, I couldn't predict many things about him. All I knew was that he was different than me. My creativity always needs something to hold on to - like, I need a character from a book to identify with, and then I can easily imagine other characters and other worlds. But, Jakov... Jakov doesn't need something to trigger his creativity. He creates ex nihilo, if you'll pardon my expression. Like a true artist he finds the inspiration from within, and doesn't depend on his environment.

However, he also finds it hard to concentrate. Once he told me that the letters on the page were dancing. Ahem. And, did I mention that he stammers? As you can imagine, I was terrified of school, and, sure enough, it's been a crazy ride, this school business.

His teacher is a rather strict lady, but I have no problems with that. I have problems with myself and my atttude toward him. It's amazing how encouraging I am with the two students I help with different subjects at school, and yet, how short-fused I am when it comes to my own child. My firstborn. My enigma. The little wrinkled black haired guy that one day presented himself to me, glancing at me through his eyelashes.

So many opposite thoughts going through me while we are doing his homeworks: Is he just lazy? Did he really forget that, or is he lying? Is it possible that he cannot understand this, after I've explained it to him a moment ago? Why does he never read the assignement carefully (like I keep telling him)? Arghhh, it's a struggle. And goes much deeper than that.

However, I need to be resolved to get through this phase without having to regret it afterwards. My life is going on at this moment and the decisions about how I live it are mine. What do I want to do? I want to depend on the Lord and do what's right and then let go. And right in this case (or in any other case) is producing the fruit of the Spirit. And to do that - I must immerse myself in the Word and shift my focus to God. May this not be a soothing 'mantra' that never gets done but a new beginning.